Six Minute Breakfast

'In the name of Bacon will you chicken me up that egg. Shall I swallow cave-phantoms?'  Samuel Beckett. Collected Poems in English and French. 1961.

Here's a surprising admission:  I am a breakfast aficionado.  Reputation precedes me as a coffee nut:  and no one is shocked with that breaking news.

 Nothing can get between blurry eyed morning me and my brewer. The smell of fresh dark roast instantly makes me feel calm, capable and even taller. Much much taller...and as they say, bulletproof. A good nosh though is a close second in my affections.

A perfect day designed by me would involve a lot of breakfast.  Starting with pre breakfast coffee of course ideally accompanied by a nice morning pastry: a buttery croissant or a lovely cherry cheese danish.

Breakfast itself could last two or three hours.  It might be cultural; the ideal morning meal for me would involve a fry up.  Eggs. Definitely.  Poached soft boiled or over easy.  Bacon, certainly, hickory smoked if possible and spicy sausage.  Sweet potato medallions fried in butter with cayenne pepper.  Rye toast to dip in all that gooey goodness.  Some waffles or crepes or in a pinch french toast because I have never been much of a pancake girl. Fruit salad too:because we must remain mindful of the need to be healthy.  It is breakfast after  all.

After breakfast, a lovely walk with a little post breakfast breakfast snack.  Orange or cranberry juice and maybe a muffin.  A very well made muffin crammed with fruit and nuts and spices. Oh and more coffee, but that goes without saying.

Or a big fat beaver tail.  I have lived in Canada for 47 years so.....

Great start to my dream day as alas, it is just a dream because health, time, and energy have a way of interfering with nonstop gluttony .  In fact, for some odd reason the people I hang out with want to do other things.  Yes, I can hear you mumbling- well that is just wrong, as you read this.  I know, my friends and family are weirdos.  So for them, and others like them who suffer daily with a lack of proper petite mangé appreciation I have come up with a list of tips and tricks for a quick breakfast.


1.  Prepare. 

 Bleary eyed and up at the crack of  what time is it anyway....even the dietary diligent will not want to only start thinking of breakfast.  This is why we have drive thru lineups that go forever in the mornings. If you want to skip the wait- take a saturday morning or a couple hours away from gaming and make a pan of muffins.  Freeze individually and thaw the night before. (Pro tip: Make a double batch and gift a neighbour.)  If you are feeling fancy add some peanut butter or my mom's fav...a slice of cheddar.

2. Treat yourself.

 Early morning food can turn a lot of you off. My suggestion on this is simple.  Eat what you like.  Stock your fridge and pantry with at least five foods that make you insanely happy.  You are a full grown adult....you do not  need a multi national cereal conglomerate or Canada food guide to tell you what is okay for breakfast. What matters is that you eat.  So if guacamole makes you drool....have at it.  Chocolate twinkies....all good.  Leftover take out? Why would you not.  My nutritionist friends might have me spanked over this advice but I believe in a world where we will not be judged for the path we take to get where we need to be.

3. Hydrate. 

 Or how I survive despite really loving coffee.  Water.  First thing.  Drink it.  It will wake that tired body up.

4. Cheat.  

I know loads of people who cannot bake.or cook because they do not have time, or room, or never learned.  That is what all those new snacks at the grocery store can help you with.  Grab a pack or two of english muffins.  Freeze and use as needed.  Coddle an egg in the microwave.  So easy. Whip an egg with a fork in a small bowl.  Micro for a minute.  Check it.  Stir again.  Add 30 seconds.  One english muffin, thawed,  throw on the coddled egg....and whatever you like....i love tomato but that is me...some prefer cheese. You can add onion, avocado, mayonaisse or even hot sauce and that is a tasty cheater breakfast without breathing exhaust fumes for five minutes.

Samesies on oatmeal: One and a half minutes in the microwave: stir in fruit or brown sugar....amazing.

Or my latest make ahead cheater breakfast: egg bites.  So good they aren’t just breakfast anymore: they are in my lunch and a quick late night pick me up.  So easy, infinitely changeable-  and all those proteins and omegas.

Quick recipe here: Visit   https://www.everydayhealthyrecipes.com/cottage-cheese-egg-muffins/#recipe

5. Be brave. 

 Try something new.  My life changed when my nutritionist suggested adding a slice of avocado to my morning 

 I discovered recently that while milkshakes are out of bounds for me I can have a mango lassi from Sabitri's Global Cuisine....and it is incredible.

  There is a whole world of food out there beyond those that have you bored and skipping meals. My new finds might be your...wow, so boring! Look online, ask friends, or throw together ingredients you never thought of putting together.  You might discover your new epic thing.

6.Support your local brekkie place.  

 Where I live they were mostly closed in 2020 when I started this post originally! Now breakfast is everywhere:  but I really like the local homegrown spots over the Corporations.

In my  area three of my favourites are Country Sisters restaurant on highway 86, The Right Spot in Alma, Ontario and Highland Grounds in Flesherton Ontario.

If your town is anything like mine though there are several great places that will feed you and make you smile.  . I would love to list every one in my town, but fortunately....there are so many! I would be afraid to leave anyone out.  Local owner/ operators do an amazing job with local food and generally, give back to their community- I know the three examples above do!They do a great job.

Having someone happily make my first meal of the day  (or sometimes my second breakfast, as I enjoy my own cooking, too ) creates nothing but sunshine for me.

   I leave you with a link to my favourite muffins 

https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/master-muffin-mix/

Eat up, my friends!

Jeepers Crisp!!! @#$@@#!!$#@ For the love of all things holy......

I have nothing to say.

Shocking, I know right?

So that must mean that there isn't a thing bothering me, I see no imbalance in my life, or injustice in the world.  Nothing to say must be a good thing?

Well, no.

If you have ever been moving through your life thinking " Okay, this is all pretty difficult but I got this.  I'm fine" then turned your head and got blindsided with other people's outrageous bull-oney then you will know just how I'm feeling.

Wanna talk?  No.
Wanna share? No.
Wanna write? No.
Wanna sing?  No.
Wanna play?  No.

Does this mean I have issues? I can say my point of view is recently affected and I am overwhelmed and somewhat distracted.  I do not own the problem though. A young relative once in a similar circumstance asked me if I thought she was crazy and I gave her the standard George Carlin reply, "If you think you are crazy, Please ensure first that you are not just surrounded by @$$holes." So much truth.

Generally,  I do not live in a place of No. This current state of mind is disconcerting for me. It unsettles my soul.  I want to hop-skip-jump back to my usual home in a place of Yes.  Will I find a way? Eventually, I'm sure. It is just the right-now that is life force diminishing.

You see, the issue for me, and for quite a few positive thinking people, is that I expect those around me to have generally good intentions. I try to surround myself with nice people. People who are trying to get through life without taking more than their fair share of space, certainly doing no intentional harm, and perhaps actively improving life in their circles.


However, lo and behold, despite every effort to avoid them the snakes start creeping in.  The self serving, the petty and the downright mean. What a singular joy it is to find that your daily life is going to have to be affected by the kinds of personalities that make your hackles instantly raise.  In a Utopian situation they would just slither around in the mud and the rest of us would pick up a few shed skins once in a while and whip them over the garden wall.

It does not work that way.

Surprise! They bite. They are poison. Those fangs hurt.

No one would choose to live with backbiting, scheming and generally horrible people surrounding them. It is definitely not my choice.  Life though, sometimes has its own way of inserting rot into your life. Not to mention that shady and untrustworthy self promoting individuals will worm their way in by any deception they find convenient.

Slither, slither. Bone-tiring to hear daily. Living on the extra alert. Being hyper vigilant to random attacks. Starting to have a new understanding of Harry Potter.  I understand how annoyed and sent off kilter he was while being followed by a relentless, evil minded snake.  Of course, he had the advantage of a valiant group of like minded friends to chase out the danger. I could use a Ron, Hermione, a Dumbledore or even a Hagrid. Alas, no such animals in the tedious Muggle world. Plenty of snakes, though.  Frustrating, when you know life does not need to be this way.

At present, there seems to be no magic wand and the motivation has turned from trying to fix  and mend to self protection and apathy.  I am grinding along and wondering where my determination went. There is a strength in me somewhere. I remember.  Time to dig it up and find a way out of the snakepit.