Six Minute Breakfast

'In the name of Bacon will you chicken me up that egg. Shall I swallow cave-phantoms?'  Samuel Beckett. Collected Poems in English and French. 1961.

Here's a surprising admission:  I am a breakfast aficionado.  Reputation precedes me as a coffee nut:  and no one is shocked with that breaking news.

 Nothing can get between blurry eyed morning me and my brewer. The smell of fresh dark roast instantly makes me feel calm, capable and even taller. Much much taller...and as they say, bulletproof. A good nosh though is a close second in my affections.

A perfect day designed by me would involve a lot of breakfast.  Starting with pre breakfast coffee of course ideally accompanied by a nice morning pastry: a buttery croissant or a lovely cherry cheese danish.

Breakfast itself could last two or three hours.  It might be cultural; the ideal morning meal for me would involve a fry up.  Eggs. Definitely.  Poached soft boiled or over easy.  Bacon, certainly, hickory smoked if possible and spicy sausage.  Sweet potato medallions fried in butter with cayenne pepper.  Rye toast to dip in all that gooey goodness.  Some waffles or crepes or in a pinch french toast because I have never been much of a pancake girl. Fruit salad too:because we must remain mindful of the need to be healthy.  It is breakfast after  all.

After breakfast, a lovely walk with a little post breakfast breakfast snack.  Orange or cranberry juice and maybe a muffin.  A very well made muffin crammed with fruit and nuts and spices. Oh and more coffee, but that goes without saying.

Or a big fat beaver tail.  I have lived in Canada for 47 years so.....

Great start to my dream day as alas, it is just a dream because health, time, and energy have a way of interfering with nonstop gluttony .  In fact, for some odd reason the people I hang out with want to do other things.  Yes, I can hear you mumbling- well that is just wrong, as you read this.  I know, my friends and family are weirdos.  So for them, and others like them who suffer daily with a lack of proper petite mangé appreciation I have come up with a list of tips and tricks for a quick breakfast.


1.  Prepare. 

 Bleary eyed and up at the crack of  what time is it anyway....even the dietary diligent will not want to only start thinking of breakfast.  This is why we have drive thru lineups that go forever in the mornings. If you want to skip the wait- take a saturday morning or a couple hours away from gaming and make a pan of muffins.  Freeze individually and thaw the night before. (Pro tip: Make a double batch and gift a neighbour.)  If you are feeling fancy add some peanut butter or my mom's fav...a slice of cheddar.

2. Treat yourself.

 Early morning food can turn a lot of you off. My suggestion on this is simple.  Eat what you like.  Stock your fridge and pantry with at least five foods that make you insanely happy.  You are a full grown adult....you do not  need a multi national cereal conglomerate or Canada food guide to tell you what is okay for breakfast. What matters is that you eat.  So if guacamole makes you drool....have at it.  Chocolate twinkies....all good.  Leftover take out? Why would you not.  My nutritionist friends might have me spanked over this advice but I believe in a world where we will not be judged for the path we take to get where we need to be.

3. Hydrate. 

 Or how I survive despite really loving coffee.  Water.  First thing.  Drink it.  It will wake that tired body up.

4. Cheat.  

I know loads of people who cannot bake.or cook because they do not have time, or room, or never learned.  That is what all those new snacks at the grocery store can help you with.  Grab a pack or two of english muffins.  Freeze and use as needed.  Coddle an egg in the microwave.  So easy. Whip an egg with a fork in a small bowl.  Micro for a minute.  Check it.  Stir again.  Add 30 seconds.  One english muffin, thawed,  throw on the coddled egg....and whatever you like....i love tomato but that is me...some prefer cheese. You can add onion, avocado, mayonaisse or even hot sauce and that is a tasty cheater breakfast without breathing exhaust fumes for five minutes.

Samesies on oatmeal: One and a half minutes in the microwave: stir in fruit or brown sugar....amazing.

Or my latest make ahead cheater breakfast: egg bites.  So good they aren’t just breakfast anymore: they are in my lunch and a quick late night pick me up.  So easy, infinitely changeable-  and all those proteins and omegas.

Quick recipe here: Visit   https://www.everydayhealthyrecipes.com/cottage-cheese-egg-muffins/#recipe

5. Be brave. 

 Try something new.  My life changed when my nutritionist suggested adding a slice of avocado to my morning 

 I discovered recently that while milkshakes are out of bounds for me I can have a mango lassi from Sabitri's Global Cuisine....and it is incredible.

  There is a whole world of food out there beyond those that have you bored and skipping meals. My new finds might be your...wow, so boring! Look online, ask friends, or throw together ingredients you never thought of putting together.  You might discover your new epic thing.

6.Support your local brekkie place.  

 Where I live they were mostly closed in 2020 when I started this post originally! Now breakfast is everywhere:  but I really like the local homegrown spots over the Corporations.

In my  area three of my favourites are Country Sisters restaurant on highway 86, The Right Spot in Alma, Ontario and Highland Grounds in Flesherton Ontario.

If your town is anything like mine though there are several great places that will feed you and make you smile.  . I would love to list every one in my town, but fortunately....there are so many! I would be afraid to leave anyone out.  Local owner/ operators do an amazing job with local food and generally, give back to their community- I know the three examples above do!They do a great job.

Having someone happily make my first meal of the day  (or sometimes my second breakfast, as I enjoy my own cooking, too ) creates nothing but sunshine for me.

   I leave you with a link to my favourite muffins 

https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/master-muffin-mix/

Eat up, my friends!

Oh, Give Me Strength.

Sometimes I'm so chill its like: Come at me, bro....rain, thunder, plagues of locusts  I'll deal.   Other times I'm like,  Universe ! Change one more stoopid thing and imma gonna blow up and melt into a gooey blob of skittles.

Depends on the day.

There have been many days, too many when I start counting, where I seem to handle it all. Whether its my stuff, your stuff, stranger's, friend's, children's stuff.  Just throw that stuff on my pile and whoosh.  Its done. Its dealt with.  Then out of the blue along will come a day where I am beside myself over the most trivial teeny thing.  I have no strength, no stamina, no initiative.

Just the thought of all my responsibility makes me want to take a nap.  I don't nap, but on the days where even looking at my laundry makes me cry out snot bubbles it would most likely do the world a giant favor if I just stayed in bed.

I don't have impossible days very often. I am kind of adept in hiding the worst of my angst when I do.  Chin up, chest out.....as my sister would say.

So I ask myself on those days when life seems totally  undoable what it is that has me dangling over the edge like an untrained cliff climber.  I write down everything that has happened that day....what I've done, what I need to get done , all the glitches and annoyances.   Then I think back to one of the hardest days I've ever had.....just a random hard day where everything went "well" all things considered.  I write down all the deets of that day.  I compare them.

Not really surprisingly, the largest difference is easy to see.  Its all in my head. My life is no more difficult on the days where I just "can't even."  In truth, its usually less hard, less busy, and the issues are smaller and less important than my "I got this" days.

The big diffence? Worry.  Ah, worry.....that creeping ivy that gets in your brain and makes you think spilling your coffee is a major catastrophe. Oh no, now people will think I'm clumsy (ya, i am. Thats not a secret). I'm staining the carpet! (So what? There's a thing called soap!) Now I have less coffee! (Ok, that's a realistic worry. Cannot blame myself for that one)  Mr. Worry.  Sitting there with his feet up on my mind couch eating my chips.  Rotund, covered in crumbs, and spewing out evermore ridiculous scenarios that often start with....wouldn't it just be awful if....?

Wouldn't it just be awful if.....you fail? Wouldn't it just be awful if....you get sick? Like really really sick? Like dying sick? Wouldn't it just be awful if.....everyone realizes you are insignificant?

Oh ya, Mr. Worry Bear Bear.  He's got a poor manners and nothing but time to make me uncomfortable and sometimes even sweaty. Worry is a rather useless little skill that we, as humans, need to unlearn.   It does nothing positive.  Worry will stop any progress you intend to make like forgetting to oil your car stops the engine.

Worry, will grab you, beat you around the brain, mix up up your heart, and leave you marathon tired without accomplishing a thing.

Take any issue you are worried about.  My favorite is "will I have enough time to get everything done?"   The answer to that for me is very simple. No. I won't.  There's too much.    I'll get some done and that's way better than none.

Same question but with worry. Will I get everything done?   Oh, no, there's too much.  I dropped the baking pan, now I have to wash it! Oh no, that is more to do.  I will Never get everything done.  I will fail to get this one thing done!  Then Nothing else will get done!! Oh my gawd, Everyone will be mad, everyone will think I am a bigger idiot!!! Then there will be vitriol from all the people who need me! Oh no!  I will have to deal with that....that's more to do!!

You see where im going with this. Insidious worry can take a simple task and turn it instantly into a life sucking, dramatic, traumatic event.  Even the Bible says: Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life. Guess that means that Luke guy got the concept that worry is useless a couple thousand years ago. I am a slow learner.  Read that dang big book years ago and still let worry rip me up....many many times.

Worrying, doesn't add value.  It takes perfectly good energy and wastes it.  Worry gets me no closer to my goals.  If I take a step, complete one thing, take another step, do one more.....I'm fine. If I mix in a heaping dollop of worry while I try......I just exhaust myself.   Stop sooner and go to bed miserable. Worry more, sleep less, have terrifying dreams.

In the interim Worry does nothing for me. Who makes the cookies, sows the blankets, does the dishes? Was that worry? Nope. Lazy butt Worry doesn't do a dang thing.  Can't remember the last time worry  got me to work on time, fed my kid, or washed my windows. Did worry write for me,water the plants, pay my bills or paint my bathroom? Nope. All me.  Well, except the plant thing- they are all dead. Rest in peace, begonias.

So why do I ever let this loafer have free rent in my head?   Heck  I know there's very little room in there. I do not understand why our bodies and brains are hardwired to worry.  I don't get why worry is even a thing. It is truly miserable, useless and unproductive.  In fact so anti productive you would think that evolution would have fixed this problem by now.  Yet on we go, spending half our lives worrying. Changing nothing, making ourselves panic, filling our bodies with stress hormones and inflammation.

I desire more days where I feel like I can do anything. I need more days where it feels effortless.  I  think that I know how to get them. The next time the Worry Bear becomes a tenant- I'll evict him.  I'm sure he's redecorated my brain space a few times but this time: He can take his baggage and go.